Dork-Girl Extraoidinare (deftonesgrrl) wrote,
Dork-Girl Extraoidinare

So last night Alex, diesel_powered, and I headed to Pizza Luce. I honestly was all pumped up to go earlier in the day...but once I got there, it all went downhill from there. Eventually I was feeling uninspired about adding to the conversation...and stopped involving myself in it. I wasn't mad at anyone...or depressed or anything. I just didn't feel like talking much. My contacts were drying out and my eyes were irritating me. I started feeling tired out. Alex noticed this and he and Mike said over and over that it was "OK" if I wanted to leave. Yet I was continuing to feel sorry for myself for ruining everyone's night. I got really sullen and I think that just made it worse. No one likes a sourpuss. Alex became upset with me and it took a lot of talking and analysis to correct things. I hate going to bed with someone not happy with me.

I really question why I get like this. Is it I'm bored? Or work is too tiring? Or maybe I am depressed? Or have social anxiety or something? I honestly don't think it's to that point. I wonder if it has to do with the social setting. First of all, I shouldn't or worn contacts, or made sure I had some solution with me to fix them (Farking contacts always dry to my eyes no matter what kind I buy). Maybe I should've downed the caffiene first. I don't know. Part of it I think it that I'm just not a big drinker. Yes there's a time and a place for everything, and sometimes I would be into pounding the shit down...but usually I'm more for entertainment. Drinks are something that add to it. I think I would rather be listening to music or dancing, or wandering around looking at people and things...rather than just sitting in a booth.

I think I'm going to try and find some things going on at night that are either cheap or free. And try and see if Alex wants to switch it up a bit. I know he's sick of the "stay in and watch a movie" thing...and perhaps I am sick of the whole "dimly lit bar booth and beer on tap" thing.

Well now I'm just Whatever.
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